Raging for Peace ©
By Florida Night Train
It was on a Friday night at a local biker joint, after meeting a first date from a stupid dating app. First date was so uninteresting, I caught myself distracted by a young couple appearing to be in an intense discussion—both were in their late 20s. He was a patch bearer. After my date and I kindly dismissed each other, I went about my business talking to another biker. He and I were the only two in the joint with sports bikes, so we chatted up. Bike this, bike that, and so on.
A few minutes later, my new buddy and I were overpowered in our discussion by the young couple a few feet away, who were now in a full-blown argument. Clearly agitated, it became evident both of them were trying their best to communicate. That, visibly and audibly, only gave rise to more mutual frustration. It was painfully embarrassing to witness. I could see the young man growing into a pressure cooker state about to explode—red faced, agitated, frustrated, irritated. She wasn’t so loud. Small in stature, she appeared equally frustrated but more in control of her demeanor.
The situation culminated to such a point, the young man screamed out of rage and frustration. He literally exploded with anger; like a young child who just cant get what he wants or place a word with his mom. My buddy and I stood there. Had this guy lifted a finger on the girl, patch or no patch, he was going down I assure you.
Turns out all he did was let off some steam. That’s probably all he knew to do to deal with intense emotions. Unable to practice healthy, manageable communication, he let it out the only way he knew how. And that, my fellow biker friends, is where we (me included) need to start getting our shit together and own our mind.
I felt bad for this guy. I felt bad for her, yes, but mostly for him. I could feel his frustration—emotional overload in his mind. Unable to process the information coming from his emotions, from his girlfriend, analyze it internally and formulate effective, concise responses to resolve whatever it was they were arguing about. This is a painful state of mind which most of us have experienced or witnessed.
Why is it both genders don’t listen to each other anymore? We listen to respond and we don’t listen to understand! Someone told me repeatedly when I was married that, “A soft answer turns away wrath”. Stubborn me decided to practice that only too late after my divorce. I then discovered the incredible power of kindness in the face of conflicts. There are limits, I know. Self-defense has its place but for the most part, any argument can be defused and well managed.
Problem is, us men have not been taught how to process, analyze, and manage emotions. To be honest, most of us don’t even want to bother…until it hits us where it truly hurts, then we feel like lost puppies. If we did own this space in our heads, I promise you we would not be portrayed as dumb as the majority of media likes to portray us.
The problem too, with most women, is they rely too much on emotions. Not all—most. Don’t crucify me here, ladies! We all should know emotions can be unreliable, so what do we do? I’m not talking about us having to be vulnerable here at all. I’m saying we need to pay attention to what’s going on inside our heads and hearts, recognize it, deal with it, own it, and then respond in a way that gives justice to the situation— leaving everyone with their dignity. We need to let the other speak freely, without interruption, so we can understand them. Ask questions after, be kind in our delivery.
In your dreams, you say? I don’t think so. Give it a try, give yourself a chance. I did, it works 100%. It takes a lot of work, but I promise you will own your space and your boundaries will eventually be respected.
Some of my favorite books/resources have been Jordan Peterson’s “12 Rules of Life”, Andrew Tate, the Bible, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman, “The Alchemist” by Paolo Coelho, “Care of the Soul” by Thomas Moore, etc…
I always tell my children, “There is nothing wrong with anger or feeling angry, it’s a natural human emotion and a gift that has its place. It’s what we do with it and how we handle it that matters”. Men, women, own your space with kindness.
*Photo credit: 323 Phtography Studio courtesy of Icicles.com