The Toymaker

brian t shirley black and white

Back in the days of the first Gulf War, I was keeping the U.S. safe at Dyess, AFB in Abilene, TX, by partying and chasing women. Hey, someone had to do it. One weekend, me and my fellow airman, Jared Derringer, decided we would venture out to Dallas, TX, for a few days and take up the chase there, as to give the women in Abilene a break.

On our second night in Dallas, we were heading out to the clubs when I came up with a plan on how we would approach and engage our quarry. We would not tell the women we met we were in the Air Force, we would come up with another career or job or whatever, just for the hell of it. Sounds brilliant, right? Yeah, right. I decided I would be a Business Broker, which I had no idea at the time, and still don’t know what exactly a business broker does or if they exist. I knew, though, I could B.S. my way through it. (B.S. is my initials you know.) Jared had not decided what his false occupation would be before we started drinking and carousing, but it wasn’t a big deal, I knew he’d come up with something.

At some point we ran into a group of about six or eight women and started talking to them. The next thing I knew I was dancing with one of them and Jared was doing the same. The woman and I finished dancing to  a couple of songs and we made our way back to the group, who by the way, turned out to be a bunch of elementary grade school teachers. The lady I had danced with asked me what I did and my line of crap automatically started flowing. I knew I was doing good because she was just as confused as I was. Then I heard Jared and his girl coming back from the dance floor, and I say, “heard,” because she had him by the hand, was pulling him towards us and was excitedly yelling, “Guess what he does for a living, guess what he does?!?!”  Of course, I was just as interested as the women in finding out what Jared’s occupation was, as he had not informed me of it, because we were too busy partying and chasing women. Then she stunned me by saying, “He’s a toymaker, he makes toys.” The lady I was talking to asked what her friend had said about Jared’s career, I replied while trying to keep a straight face, “umm, he designs kids toys, he’s a toymaker.” “Wow, neat,” she said.

Later on, after the ladies had left and we were headed back to the hotel I just looked at Jared and said “Toymaker, huh?!”
“Well, she told me she was a school teacher, so I figured, hey,  teacher….kids… toys…. toymaker.”

Jared actually had “Toymaker” put on the back of his softball jersey for the squadron team. God bless you, Jared, my friend. I wonder if he ever got that position at the North Pole.

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Comedian Brian T Shirley has been in the Business for 20 + years. His act is derived from growing up poor, divorce, the USAF, partying, relationships, infomercial's, sports, and more. He has performed all over the U.S., Canada,The Bahamas and Japan. He also works Country Clubs and corporate events all over the U.S. He has done special engagements such as a tour of Japan to entertain the troops, opening for Huey Lewis and The News, The "Laughter for Love" benefit for Va. Tech, & a Country music festival for Dodge trucks. Brian has performed @ The Jokers Wild Comedy Club inside the Atlantis Resort on Paradise Island,The Bahamas & for Carnival Cruise Lines. Brian is also a philosopher.he's written 2 books of wisdom &wise sayings called "Make Love Not Warts", and "Four Score and Seven Beers Ago..." (Which recently won the "Amazing Book Cover Art Award" in a contest sponsored by LeRue Press) BRIAN"S THIRD BOOK , "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Club" contains short stories about his life on the road as a professional comedian. Brian has created and hosts a WEB Series about being a stand-up comedian on the road called "BTS On The Raod" which can be seen on Youtube, American Hearts Radio WEB TV Network every Saturday @ 8 PM EST and in the online magazine No Strings Attached-E News. Brian's a weekly guest host on a segment called "BTS Entertainment Corner" on Janice Hermsen's radio program "What's The Story" every Friday @ 2:30 PM EST on www.americamattersmedia.com Brian also co-hosts a monthly radio show on The Lina Jones Diamond Network called "The Lina and Brian Hour". Brian has done Voice over work for the award winning WEB Series "U.S.E." (2014) and the feature film "Inside Ben" (2016) and he's a main character in the animated feature "Professor Gravitron Saves The Universe" (2016).

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