For the Birds

I put up what I thought was a lovely bird house, a scrumptious feeder and a luxurious water feature in my back yard. And now I’m patiently waiting for feathered friends, so that my bird brain will be entertained when I look through my window or sit outside.

Although at the entrance to the bird house I have a vacancy sign and another under it, advertising “Migrants Welcome”, the house has been vacant for month. Truth to tell, it’s never been occupied—sad. So many birds and so much competition for better locations and decor.

My daughter’s bird house has a wraparound deck and a back door and since we charge the same amount of rent (which amounts to letting us enjoy the show), why would I expect that they’d come to what amounts to a tenement in comparison to hers? To compete, I’ve called around to see about having a wraparound deck and back door built. But the cost would be sky high and since the sky (which is more competition) is free, why should I bother doing more than putting up a sign?

Speaking of signs, since I put two signs up, “Outdoor Seating” and (unlike now, in California), “Children Under Ten Welcome”, the bird feeder is doing a little better. But, then again, not much.

I dunno…maybe if I put up a sign saying, “Reservations Required”, the feeder would take on a more posh aura. But then I’d have to hire a hawk to guard the door and it’s hard enough getting help these days, without hawking for it. Groan…I know… that was a terrible pun but sometimes I can’t help myself.

A friend tells me that, by hoping to build an aviary subdivision, I need to be careful what I’m wishing for. She warned that with increased activity, I’ll have to put up with squawking at birdbrained counsel meetings, time collecting seed sized wasted taxes, and all other modes of frivolous, feathered fluff that come from bird brains in positions of power.

I guess I’ll just have to set up, and be in charge of, a waste treatment plant to keep good birds flying high over that kind of poop…or is that nincompoop…business?

Copyright 2023, Audrey Biloon

Photo by Harmen Jelle van Mourik on Unsp